Ella Era Un Trasvesti
by vixxie
Summary: There were two things in life Reno loved: well-endowed women in midriff tops, and days off. Today, neither seemed available.


-Reno, FF7-  
17.4.10

Hihi. :D  
Hooray, after like… three years of zero writing, I've finally decided to write something!  
Slightly OOC and shtuff.  
The title comes from a Vilma Palma song, give it a listen. ;D  
Thank you, enjoy. :3

There were two things in life Reno loved: well-endowed women in midriff tops, and days off.

Today, neither seemed available.

Reno grasped five slim fingers around his cup of espresso, onyx eyelashes contrasting sharply against his skin, almost hauntingly lustrous in its pallidity. His other hand shoved a Dorito into his mouth, his jaw moving rhythmically as his facial muscles moved in accord to his chewing.

Rude, on the other hand, was taking a long drag from his cigarrette composedly and reclining in his slightly uncomfortable metallic chair. Rude's sunglasses reflected Midgar's prismatic sunrise, but that didn't conceal his disapproving gaze aimed at Reno.

Rude hated it when he'd would dip potato chips into his coffee.

"Fine, I'll stop." Reno drawled, pushing his coffee away and grasping his bag of Doritos.

"Think AVALANCHE is really gonna be here?" Rude's stern tone radiated through the room, cigarrette smoke entwining his left hand.

"Hell if I know." Reno's words spilled lethargically out of his mouth, heaving a yawn immediately after. He reclined in his chair, legs territorially spread, causing his navy-black pants to pull upwards and reveal his ankles.

-Hell if you know anything about them, Reno-, He thought.

Yesterday, Rufus spoke with all of the Turks and informed them about how the Cetra now roamed among AVALANCHE and blablabla. A spy at the Golden Saucer dropped them a tip that they were soon headed to Midgar, but they'd get there quite early before departing north. They had to be quick.

Now, if it were up to Rufus, he'd probably have them out there 1 AM sharp to keep an eye on Midgar, but it's not like frickin' bats worked for him. They needed to get some sleep.

However, if they were successful, they would finally capture the Ancient that roamed among them.

But there was a catch: this surprise attack fell on Sunday, their day off.

Reno protested against this and refused to go passionately, which was why exactly he was sitting in a cafe eating chips and coffee at 4 AM waiting for AVALANCHE to arrive.

Whoo-frickin'-hoo.

Reno was all for capturing Stalagmite Hair and his possee, but was it really necessary so goddamn early?

-Perhaps-, Rude turned to him, feeling his disapproval of Rufus' decision almost telepathically. He was exhausted, too but refused to let it get the better of him. -Nothing we can do.-

Pff. As if.

"Why the hell does Rufus do this anyway? ugh..." Reno blurted and subsequently balanced the bridge of his nose between his fingers in a sudden headache.

"You know him." Reno replied.

"Well, I had a date on Sunday. I wasn't prepared to call it off... I'd finally asked out the nice, innocent girl that sold bread across Shinra Inc. You know, the one with really huge--"

"Reno, you're already here. What's the use of complaning?" Rude growled.

Reno laughed in silence. Damn it, Rude.

Reno shifted in his seat to see the counter, when his eyes hooked onto a young woman purchasing a latte.

"Hey, cut me a piece of that cake.." Reno's eyes traveled all over her body, leaning forward instictively.

"No way in hell I'm doing this again." Rude answered Reno before he'd asked him to skip work.

"C'mon Rude, let's have a little fun." Reno frowned.

"Hn. Remember last time you played strip paper-rock-scissors with the girl bartender?" Rude's bald head glittered in the rising sun as he eyed Reno skeptically.

"Yeah, that girl still calls me. She wants around round." Reno grinned, his reference obvious.

"Yeah, the bruise I got from her husband covering /your/ ass still hasn't gone away." Rude's eyes narrowed.

"Aw, come on! I promised you a bottle of Buchanan's if her husband found out." Reno retorted pleefully.

"Which you never gave me." Rude frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

"Cuz I'm broke. But ya know... I can pay with sexual favors." Reno winked flirtatiously as an unamused Rude huffed in exasperation.

"Hello, baby." Reno purred, eyeing the young woman generously. "You're a lot prettier up close."

"Y-Yeah..." the young lady stuttered.

"What's your name, gorgeous?"

"J-Janis." The lady replied instantaneously.

"Janis, huh? Well, I was wonderi.." Reno was cut off mid-sentence, when he noticed something sketchy about the girl. His ice-blue eyes narrowed suspiciously. Something was familiar about this gi...

"TSENG?! WHAT THE HELL?!" Reno retreated, aghast at his discovery.

"..." Tseng bit his lip, onyx eyes narrowing in embarassment.

His standard Turk footwear squealed against the hardwood floor as he stepped away from Reno. An elderly couple gave the apparent "young lady" a puzzled look.

"You're... dressed a CHICK!" Reno grabbed a lock of his shoulder-length chestnut wig. Tseng quickly snapped his hand away.

"Tell me something I don't know." Tseng answered bitterly, pushing a lock of wavy chestnut hair back behind his shoulder.

"Is this how Rufus gets his kicks? Or was this your idea?" Reno's position hadn't changed, and he remained slightly crouched in a suprised stance. "Kinky bastards."

Rude had materialized next to Reno, his eyes absorbing Reno's surprise and Tseng's feminine garb.

"I saw AVALANCHE on my way here and... I had to cover up." Tseng smoothed his navy dress. "I thought I'd seen AVALANCHE on my way here, but it turns out that they were a couple of impostors. I called Rufus about it and he told me that they were south, they changed their plans at last minute. So I was stuck crossdressing, hiding from a fake group."

"Oh... oh god." Reno frowned queasily. "How.. disgusting.."

"So... not only was this a false alarm, but you crossdressed in the process." Rude summarized.

"... Um. Yes." Tseng murmured.

"To hell with this, y'really think I'm gonna hang with this guy in drag?" Reno argued. "I just hit on a MAN. How do you think I'm feeling?"

"You seemed pretty eager to speak with Tseng when he was dressed up." Rude stifled an amused grin.

Tseng frowned in disapproval. "Let's not speak of this back at Shinra..."

"Hell no. My darling secretaries'll think I've betrayed them." Reno shook his head, as if to shake away what he'd just done.

Rude glanced at a very unhappy Tseng. "I don't suppose any of us have the need to speak of this... I'm going home." Rude sighed.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go change..." Tseng moved away awkwardly from Reno, as Reno stood surprised in front of the counter.

"... Damn, hell really has frozen over..." Reno commented and grabbed his bag of coffee-dipped Doritos.


End file.
